I give kudos to those who can hold large amounts of modern Earth human learning in their noggins and then recall it in a useful way. This is something I once was able to do, a long long time ago in that galaxy far far off on the edge of pre-2012; when the Mye-aanes handed up the data of their calendars and my brain tripped over into a wild vortex beaming in from somewhere on the edge of the freaky galactic dance we call Milky. I have a black hole of collected wild stories now spinning an eternal whirl of seemingly irrelevant (to humanity experience) symbology into the human mass mind lattices. Coming across as a lunatic, an unapproachable high-toiter with apparent glacial aura has been a shitty time. I like puppies, hell I like all critters, except roaches, and even then I don't dislike them so much as prefer to not share space with them, same can be said for leeches, and ok mozzies; mozzies just suck. What I want to say again is this - in the advancement toward more cohesive consciousness we are not going to all look like sugared-out kids at a pyjama party, or attendees of a spiritual retreat. Some of us are coming in weird, but it is the kind of weird that the Whole organism needs to get the moving and grooving done. Having no idea where I fit into this panoramic play of emergent cosmic change, I wander about the part of the map I have been given, arrange and re-arrange the supplies I am allotted and wonder what to do with them. I am not any of the categories of learners or teachers presently named in the world around me. So I am making up the steps in my crazy dance as I go along. I do not write out the things I witness in the ethers, nor speak about the conversations I have with the Unseen, because doing so does not appear to serve any purpose to the process. People read and listen to what is relevant to them. I feel that those few who find my perspectives relevant are also beings who understand without me having to write it out, because they are having equally indescribable lives. I do not have a dialogue for ascension, I do not have a belief for a god, I have not learned the complex interactions of politics and sciences, nor live inside of current social dramas; none of these actions of attainment further my life path and time is a resource to be well managed. M y physical life pattern is completely non-descript, I am nothing. I have a niche skill-set, and pull in data out of phase with contemporaries. Often I feel like a total nutso for recording the seeming nonsensical strings of sounds my mind produces and spending years publishing work so obscure it is almost unusable to any but myself. A handful of people on this planet take me seriously. And I appear to be useless for anything else but this labour. So I keep doing it. The founding principal of my actions is that All are of and for One. That is, all is self-realizing from within the emanation of One Voice, one sound, one animating drop of consciousness. All is an organism designed for unified action and being. This is not the same as saying we are all the same being, one big ego dropping shitty lessons for the little fragments of itself to have a crappy life in so it can learn something that it does not actually need to learn. How the fuck can an all-great being need to torture itself to become more grand than the grandness it already is?? Think on that a little if you would like to understand more the work I produce.

First published on ' The Nothing in Between' , April 12 2020 How do you alter your consciousness? The objective is to enable the creation of a more cohesive Mind structure, which has the capacity for holding and processing greater resolution of thought (more complex thought patterns). Human behaviours are patterns driven by programmed equations. What we would call ‘higher’ behaviours or those with noble quality – like kindness, compassion, sincerity, patient understanding, active assistance to others, considerate awareness, partnered creation – require complex equations to engineer and maintain their forms across the entirety of a mind/body/emotion vehicle. A first step to altering the resident structure of a consciousness would be by invitation, which is a choice to align with more complex states already existent. The conscious intelligence residing within a local mind can instruct the overall mind complex to upgrade – it can be that simple. The Mind is so similar to a computer operating system that I use computer terms in descriptions for ease of understanding. It is my intuitive knowing that vast numbers of human being will experience an increase in conscious cohesion without long periods of focused action. A species shares fields of information like an internet in the ethers, via a web of information as energy. Patterns installed to this web are accessible to any choosing to run them. As to be expected in these early systems of human mind development, the ability of an individuated point of conscious intelligence housed within form to run these patterns requires active participation through practice. ‘Acts of kindness’ are, for example, modes of strengthening the connection to higher resolution consciousness. The ability to connect, however, is open to any without prerequisite training. Choice to invite the ‘handshake’ is the key. I have not in this life completed years of training by reading and learning the precepts of human masters. That is I have not read book after book of religious masters, spiritual giants, or scientific geniuses. I was on that pathway well and truly when between the years of 2012 and 2015 my ability to do “book learnin'” ended, and my mind dumped data accumulated over years. The human local mind has limited storage capacity. If the desire exists to pull in and house expanded perceptions of cosmic patterning, a certain level of the mundane has to be tipped out of the bucket to make room for new water. And the words now spoken begin to make less and less sense to generally accepted tracks of conversation. So choice. Choose to alter your consciousness for the benefit of the Whole, and change invariably begins to take place. To lay out clear pathways for walking on after making that choice is less important, as your own conscious intelligence will lay out a course particular to the unique makeup of your own patterns. I use drawings and vocal recording pulled from the extended vision of my own greater or non-local mind – a complex system of spheres of intelligence, a means to communicate with my own unseen wisdom and to connect with the larger mind-web of universal awareness. I use the sound of rain on leaves to quiet the local-mind, allowing it more space within the chatter of a planet filled with thoughts, to be able to hear the still small sounds of complex understanding. I learned to let go of making sense with words, allowing them to fall out how parts of my mind, other than those trained by human habit, ordered them to appear. I created for myself tools which operate on brain function beyond registered science, which clear random thought, deactivate the hypnosis of human culture, and position the brain for receiving more cohesive waveforms of consciousness. I allowed myself to be neuro-divergent, strange to convention. I did it the hard way, the long way round. Others can more simply make a choice to use patterns already built and available through the layering of labours over unknown time. Simple yes, easy not so much, yet completely possible.

Today feels like a great day to stop beating myself up about the way I cannot seem to convince folk that I am perhaps one of the most benevolent beings on this planet. If your planet is moving into a turgid region of the Great Central Plain, her Core Drive is buggered, copious numbers of brain-splishingly intelligent minds are working round that clock to build a new one and get it fired up, and she's towing a bunch of busted motherships filled with trauma-shagged survivors - I'm the kind of being you want doing problem spotting and mop-up for the Grand Show. But then, what the fuck would I know about anything, anything at all. Some someones told me I need to check my ego, threw on a #tag of 'holier than thou', and told me to go flame somewhere else. I thought I was just sharing some personal understandings about what happens when engaging in motivation and character assigning a person you don't know from a frog- whether they are a toxic frog or green 'good' kind; not telling anyone that they are doing their whole lives wrong and something something about if I 'intend to ascend like the rest of them'. Seems not. A distressing experience? Abso-freaking-lutely. I was bawling when I finally managed to skim through some of the comments, skim because they were paragraphs and paragraphs of heated words I just could not see the justification for. And still don’t. I backed out, not having the neural makeup for that kind of herd stomping. I haven‘t been back to read more responses. I am grateful somewhere for the sticky flypaper effect these events create to pull up deep lingering shit from the psyche. I found some more nuggets of self-worthlessness, ostracism, and their pal confusion. A helpful melancholia for personal growth. No worries peeps, I'm just gonna keep on skimming along out here on the rim in my itsy dingy, pulling out cactus thorns, applying salve, washing off old grit. We can chat later maybe, like much much much later, when you ain't all covered in that human stuff, bein' all messed up in the spokes of your karma wheel. Thanks for the scratches and lashes, and the data points of correlation. I'm off to tweek a few fibre flaps. Perhaps that's just my ego smack-speakin', who gives a knob. The air out here is cold and sweet.

To the knowing LoveLight Entities: Do you think you know then, what it is you are looking at? Do you know the design, understand the motivating principles? Do you know the origin point of locomotion, and conceive of the intent? Do you find the thing you look at to be lacking when compared to your treasured model of things delightful and good? Did the information I gave to you assist you in solidifying your firm cat's cradle of belief as to the inviolate capacity of your mind to give you sound determinations of concluded waveforms? Or, could your referential materials be different to the symbolic arrangements which I employ? I speak like this because the vibration is a vortex riding around my heart and the muscle grows weary from the running. I seek a finish line for this race which you started when you told me what I said, you told me what I meant, you told me why I said it, you told me how I should correct myself, and you told me how to move in your direction; and just to be sure I did, you told me I was less than you, you told me I was illegal, and you told me punishment was my proper due. And the crowd clapped and said 'yay verily' and in conclusion light love peace and joy. Because - you know. You know that you do not recognise my cascades as familial, and therefore switch-shunted me into one of a few categories of option available to your present point of developing cognition. That category does not suit. Do you know what constitution of access is available to one sub-course when another makes truth statements in error as to their basic function? Do you know the convulsion of the fabric's threads which twitch and roll to right the uneven distribution of data cones? Do you know the outlay of filament reset able to be authorised when information arrays pass a critical point of imbalanced reasoning as calculated by code equations initiated at start-up by the observing one in self-revelation? How now brown cow. Quick foxes fly. Flame on. Axis switch point formalised. Tradewind slipform imminent.

Wowee, it is thickly compressive today. I have been listening to my own audio tracks from AFA 1 & 2 to detox and release whatever this tight whirl is. They work for me and I appreciate my own skillset. The latest energetic versions of the audio tracks of SFA 1 and SFA 2 can be purchased individually from this website. Look under the 'Info' tab in the menu for more information on both series. I did have the AFA 1 audio tracks available for quite some time for free online listening via Youtube - with links in this post. Holding the space for the free listening users of this Etheric Tech is a consciousness outlay for me with little return energy, and I am resting that line to restore Balance to my Self. Supporting the free video version of SFA1 was a significant physical/mental/emotional/ outlay and investment for me. I did it to assist the Whole for that period of time, to contribute to a growing wave of shifting understandings within the Earth core and associated outer nets of conscious awareness. I closed that port at a time when I had reached a maximum tolerance of the drain from its traffic. I did not close access because I am greedy for money. I get very little money from any of my work. And I get it, if it's free why pay yeah? But it isn't free to the person providing it, that person is the one paying so they can hand it out to others. I do not have the resource allocation to make it free today. In the ethers I work with Family Groups - large conglomerate minds of originating spirit essence. If you find me and are inclined to work with my Etheric Architecture it is most likely that you were directed to me by your own Family Group. With this blog and website I present a snippet of the outflow which has come from a personal experience spanning about 42 years. My PC archive holds hundreds of recordings now, which over the past 5 years have been on the net in various places. I move my content around frequently as I work steadfastly on my own spiritual growth and process.

So here I am, at the keys, attempting to express a mole-sized smear of how I feel on a daily rotation. Not a basic task really. I have a basket full of human English words which are entertainingly descriptive, and eye-catchingly delightful - like bell-bottom pants. The fare I can make with these words, however, is something like a kid's mud pie - indistinct, bland, with sticky bits showing. So how do I feel? And why the fuck would anyone care? Well, in a small shell which probably contains nuts - they don't, care that is. The progressive learning of this has formed a newly transformed version of how I feel. The latest version seems more welcoming, roomy, quite surprisingly comfortable, with large bookshelves filled with volume after volume of 'thank fuck for that'. What I am saying underneath that is 'I don't care in amounts equal to that level at which others don't care'. What a relief. When I got to having this attitude to my interaction with human life, and how, is all excruciatingly unimportant. Why? Because no-one gives a fuck. Really. I am an expression of some kind of nothing, every second hearing an impersonal directive to be something. Something meaningful, something happy, something useful, something beautiful, something contextual, something clever, something creative, something successful, something not nothing. Yet there it is, like the evergreen pine, never fading at my Core, the unknowable expanse of nothing. It translates into human life as ‘depression’, ‘despair’, ‘anxiety’, 'dis-interest' I suppose. What I do know is that for a long while I have had an increasing inner question of 'why bother?'. As in why bother with humanity, why bother engaging and adding to the pool of what humanity is creating, when I do not find any of it noteworthy? Oh for sure, it can be amazing, astounding, creative, imaginative, skilled, beautiful, expressive; but for all that - what does it accomplish other than the perpetuation of itself? And what does the human animal contribute to the planet, or even cosmos, besides the damage of its presence and moments of fixing that damage so it can feel a sense of expansion from the achievement? As an opinion relevant to an interpretation of the practicality of popularly presented concepts, and a field of thought incorporating the notion that much is redacted from the human mind data pool across eons, I do not believe that the present human mind/body complex is ascending to any place of greater understanding or higher resolution of consciousness than that which it has occupied for unrecorded millennia. It is a creature of patterns, some grand some less so. If you observe sufficiently, every behavioural choice can be seen within its originating design and the outcome can be mapped according to the templates already drawn. How does the conscious mind within the form transpose itself into a new Song - some melody beyond the simple choruses and trills which have played over and over for thousands of years? ~ A paradox spoken. The shift of state will be the outlay of unexpected inspiration greater than the investment of countless cycles.

I found a post a little while back which probably explains some of the pressure of burdened anxiety and wrongdoing I had been feeling for a day and a half. It highlights how sucky it can be to have a heightened ability to 'hear' what is broadcast across etheric channels, and via mind chatter. I would love to do a little 'copy/paste' of the found articles I am referring to but have no desire to become the targeted focus of more purposeful misunderstanding from souls who believe their every motivation is LOVE. The article source is on Australian soil hence why my larger Mind picked up on it so clearly and my body responded innately. I am intensely opposed to the opinions expressed in what was called a 'channelled message'. I found the content quite disregarding of the Core Consciousness of this planetary body people call Earth/Gaia/Mother. And if I had kids to support like this planet has done, I would have been crying about it. The dialogue of the message was woefully disregarding of the planet Core's own right of Voice, with another supposed group of enlightened beings somewhere off-world saying what she does and does not feel, and how happy she is to continue to support an abusive species until they learn their lessons and mature. Fucking hell. Finding the equity in that outlook is more than I can manufacture, even with my creative imagination. I am a long-standing opponent of the Love/Light movement (I speak of the religion born in minds, not the state humming from the Originating Thought), for reasons which are brilliantly obvious to me, and cause for judgement and avoidance by proponents of the 'We are Pure Love' gene pool. I find the belief structure to be abusive, a light-washing of glitter to cover over controlling principles, written with sophisticated code designed to be undetectable to the human mind. And a seemingly altruistic excuse to continue to enforce alien preferences onto a planetary Core Consciousness which has plans and desires forming patterns well beyond the support of an immature group-mind playing inside homo sapiens and calling itself 'child of gods', or even 'God Itself'. From a wide viewpoint, looking over about 150,000 years of human endeavour and influence on the planet, I am not seeing the contribution as being anything sustainable or beneficial. I have no LOVE for homo sapiens as a species, beyond the regard I have for any other living animal, and have spent a couple decades working to extricate myself from the cycle of 'living to be an example' to a species which has about another 26000 - 52000 years before it learns in large enough numbers to make a difference, that it does not own this planet, and this planet is not obliged to care for it, and that it has no right to impose light grids of belief wherever it pleases. I am not feeling the LOVE for what homo sapiens is - a composite being of animal host and programmed soul/personality complex, directed by Mind-Families. I have no desire to fix others, thank the blackholes. I am doing the best I can to not be a burden on the planet. Can't do more at this point, and am not looking to be an example. When I express my lack of belief in humanity's ability to be able to live holistically with the EArthern environment, I am not overwhelmed by the hatred and destruction as reported via online connections, I have avoided media drama for years. The heavy depth of the conglomerate pool of human emotion which I am unfortunate enough to be transposing every day due to being switched on in etheric layers most don't even acknowledge as existing, is far far far beyond an emotional low which is salved by a walk in the woods. In truth I must be one of the most emotionally stable and hope-filled, resilient people on the planet to still be here doing life and getting the job done and laughing about it daily, whilst being barely able to raise a limb from the heavy weight of human shit which my waveform has to function within. I have no Culture. There is no tradition, no history, no ceremony which holds me to any portion of this planet's landmasses. I used to think I was Australian, but what is that? As Homo Sapiens, I am an Australian-born Caucasian of mixed genetic origin spanning the UK, Europe and Asia, who has no culture to grasp hold of, no ownership, and no spiritual history with the land. The journey so far this life has been to emancipate myself from all attachments to human categories of approved association; to cancel or annul all contracts with active Etheric Corporations with stakes in this EArthern game. Using my current sense of disenfranchisement as the litmus paper, I reckon I can tick that box on my task sheet as achieved. The one grouping of species which speaks to me consistently, clearly, for decades, is the Trees. They seem to consider me Family, as do their smaller cousins. What do I do with that? It is a comforting thing I guess, as I feel quite dis-possessed from any human identity grouping. Humanity is so young, its roots do not go very deep at all, presenting very little for me to grasp a hold of. How a species could come in at the last second, and see itself as the pinnacle of an evolution or creative endeavour makes my inner eyes cross. The scenario is a masterpiece of marketing and propaganda. The nurture I detect from the plant kingdom is not something I want to hand over to the group-mind running the human machine. Just my personal outlook. Humanity creates wave after stodgy wave of depressed depleted frequency, being as it is a parasite using planetary resource without replenishing - because it can't, because it is alien to the planetary ecology and has no by-product of living which the planet can use for the survival of the eco-system as a Whole. The human was not a part of the start-up design initiated on this planet. There is not sufficient life-support or behavioural programming in place to sustain it, nor enable it to be harmoniously functional within the planetary cogs, wheels, spokes, and belts of the environmental industry. The Human, in its present configuration, can hope only to survive itself, to survive its hard-wired nature of consumption and hoarding. We are in a game of SIMMS, and every nation has stakes in this latest rendition of 'Hunger Games'. The numbers of homo sapiens on this planet are too high to be viable in its present state of mindset. A collapse of environmental support systems seems inevitable. What is that collapse going to look like? I am sure that there are impressively intelligent minds all over the globe in think-tanks who run simulations on that topic daily; people who have larger vocabularies, more human education, and much more social interaction experience than I do. In human understanding, I have no qualifications to have a voice in human forums, and limited exposure to the worst of the issues (thank fuck). I am aware that I am a part of the problem, just by being alive and using resource to maintain that life. No matter how responsible and creative I am with resources, our family income and the need to be gainfully employed still limits just how 'eco-based' we can be. The most effective action I can see available to me personally in the now, is to be minutely selective with which etheric channels I permit to use my Mind Fields and all associated resource of energy. I will not give access to Principals of Mind which seek to imprint more LIGHT grids of this imbalanced LOVE onto the planet's communications systems. I am not good, I am not bad; I am not light, I am not dark; I am the nothing in between. Wholeheartedly, I remove all of my energies which have for eons been allocated to the maintenance of this bipolar machine driving homo sapiens' cyclic destruction. There can be no good, and no bad. There can be no fight of LIGHT AGAINST DARK. If beings insist on being LIGHT only, there will always be separation, there will always be DARK - that thing which LIGHTERS create to dissociate from that which does not make them feel uplifted. If Minds continue the game of HERO versus VILLAIN, there will ALWAYS BE VILLAINS. I am a Villainous Hero, and an Heroic Villain. As a human, I am stupidly brave so as to be bravely stupid in a world which asks for incessant achievement. I am lethargically productive, so as to be productively lethargic in a construct which runs on persistent engagement. I am passionately unloving in the process to be unlovingly passionate about my desire to see all Things experience Life with more colour, vitality and meaningfulness. I am committed to make sense to myself.

You cannot know what is going on in a person's life from the few words or posts they put onto the public arena platforms, or what they speak of via emails. A lot can happen in a day, and each day passes mostly unseen. I do not presently wish to speak to people much because I keep having the experience of people accusing me of wrongdoing, or yelling at me via audio, because they use what small amount of words I share online to form opinions. I do not receive the benefit of the patience folk seem to give to the distressing issues in their lives which they wanted me to talk with them about persistently. I get the sharp whip and the cut direct. I can only think that it is wanton, and I do not have to put myself into those situations. Someone told me whilst I was in the midst of the stress of moving household, that I 'had hurt them, and was now laughing about it'. I puzzle over that statement at sudden moments. It would have been a more meaningful complaint if they had bothered to express what it is that I did that caused such immense offence that they would find it necessary to toss about 4 and a half years worth of friendship into the shitter and call it waste. I feel somewhat 'gaslighted'. I am also finding myself increasingly taxed by the world's sadness and distress. I wish there was a fix, that the human species could mature enough to see the opportunities for harmonious life as a majority. There is a wealth of innovation producing highly effective methods of healing this planet's surface and reversing the damage of greed, viciousness, and heartlessness. After about 40 years of hearing the dialogue for the need for change in the direction of human civilization, I still seen none. So I am in a low motivation/self bullshit mode right now. I am more in the mildly hopeful of survival, head down and get the job of life done mode. For 12 1/2 years my husband and I have been supporting a sponsorship program in other countries to assist at risk children with their education and health needs, as well as contribute to their communities. That the world has so much destitution should alarm everyone. I don't get as emotionally invested as I once did, possibly because I learned how to modulate involvement so as to have enough emotional and physical energy to run my own daily life and care for those in my immediate circle as wife and mother. Yet I learned today that just because I don't show the investment, does not mean that I have not made it. The organization which we sponsor through called me with news that the young man we sponsor in Kenya succumbed to illness and passed. I have known him for 4 1/2 years, even if distantly with spotty communication. I am heartbroken for his mother, and keep crying. Where does this hard labour of survival end? This young man's spark was bright and beautiful, and he has moved beyond us, but why did he have to? And why with painful illness? He is one of many who leave every day, and many more keep arriving. The whole thing keeps on going with the main difference the rising levels of desperation amongst humanity feeling the imminent arrival of a change of environment on a global scale. Whilst here, this boy drew pictures, played ball, enjoyed science, helped his mother, did his best at studies. He had a life I know nothing about. And now he is somewhere else. And I keep crying, in part because his death is forming evidence of something I do not fully understand and am weary of hoping to figure out, or at the least, to accept. Much occurs on this planet beyond the approved media releases of assassinations, threat of war, destruction, torment, environmental catastrophe and celebrity births. It may be that we shall be surprised by a river of astounding success stories signalling a planetary shift towards living growth as a new balance emerges. I hope so.

Use CC captions - read the lyrics. Go somewhere unfamiliar. It really won't kill you. I don't need to explain what I mean by being sick of Fake Love or even what I perceive the meaning of the state defining a Love to be Fake is in my system of understanding the condition of this universe. The thing, or state of mind exhuming in matter, knows to what I am referring; my meaning being self-evident in its intention to express itself according to the mathematics of its simulated reality.

Here I am on 24th March 2024, adding all of this post back in because I just did some post category edits and the entire post deleted. I'm like - screw that - these persons don't get to hide or have their history with me totally erased today. They made a meal of me and my life and I want it noted. Fortunately I had the post open in a web browser and could screencap it. But a total retyping, some new images - how very interesting. I found this curious article/blog post. Authors of Confusion + Babblings of Babel = Oracles of Light |"Tongue-Speak" as a Language of the Inner Divine The Mystery Religion | Tongue-Speak Deception Noel Joshua Hadley I feature so magnificently in it which explains a few things from last year. What a shit show of invasive ego that was, not unlike much of this year really. Effervescently indistinct, vaguely confusing with no point left by the compass of its author's human intelligence; the essay pours out a cascade of words saying what? I am uncertain if according to Noel J. Hadley I was a charismatic - with a capital 'C' - Oh Joy, Oh Rapture; or a Gnostic - the heretic; or perhaps I was the Atlantean mystic? The literary objective of the post is presently escaping my understanding. The funniest thing about the article is to read in quotation marks the things I wrote all that time ago - obviously squishing some really juicy word bait on big hooks. Most wondrous is to see how one can be made to appears, and thus perceived, through the careful selection of particular sentences and the elimination of others. Stupendously wondrous is knowing that what I detected and felt come by my blog, with my supposedly ex-charismatic, Gnostic, watcher of the ancient mystery religion of Atlantis, emotional self, all that time ago was indeed very accurate. I am reminded why I no longer wish to speak out on too many topics in a pond where anyone can fish for free, take whatever they catch and make a meal of it. Fishes and loaves anyone? I am assured of my choices to unpublish the website and blog associated with Noel J. Hadley's take on my life's journey. I am glad I left behind the little boxes of the Righteous who think nothing of picking at the bones of others on the battle grounds of their beliefs, pining for a god who left them in the mud of blood soaked dirt, their benefactor murdered to prove an unconditional love. I have at hand scalding oil and a match for the parchments of scripture bound men who neglect to fulfill basic tenants of consideration for others. Yet as Noel J. Hadley says with such reasoned conviction, perhaps I simply "digress into the very illogical emotional-based slump which enthusiastically drives every Tongue-Speaker" (ref. par.2, point 10 of post; emphasis mine ). "What is this slump?" I ponder in the dark pool of my inner landscape. ow does the adjective/noun equate to one's use of words of an emotive nature to describe an experience? How does a slump, which describes a reduction of activity, enthusiastically drive a perspective and the expression of it? The construct makes no logic for me, sounding more like emotion driven opinion. Let us not play at being politely condescending in this forum of Minds, whilst scraping skin with hard shells. Let us be boldly honest in our stance and opinion. Or at least clear. I do not think myself to be a mystic, nor a Watcher of the Mystery Religion of Atlantis. What is that even about? I have used various descriptive words over the years in a search for equations of human sounds to fit with how I feel at any point in moments. Each word is open to the interpretation of limited understanding within the observer. This is why so often I speak using sounds not decipherable to men, so they cannot play what they suppose to be clever games with my intent and purpose. I readily reject the world as presented by the intellectual of christian scriptures who exhibits little sense and no grace. To chop into little pieces the paragraphs of others for spiritual fodder and past them up on a page with not even appropriate references, leaving the authors unrepresented, seems so very like taking wood and nails and hammering hard through bone and sinew. I am in good company then. Oh!! Yet thanks where thanks are due to Noel J. Hadley for copy/pasting my name right!! What a Champion. This is yet another experience demonstrating to me how much the human mind lives within profiles and categories, activating programs of response and choice of interaction based on determinations of these value. Noel J. Hadley gave me titles and roles and assigned me character and belief based on those plot points. He speaks of truths yet like so many does not actually care if his suppositions are correct. I find this in strangers and I find this in people in places of friendship. I am still working out what that means for me, other than do not speak if I do not want strangers to do as they please with my words; and do not invest overly much in friendships. 97% of the time my investment is not enough to satisfy the wounds in the Other wanting attention, nor grant me a voice in their parting conversation. Overall I am impressed by the need for me to look in different places for life experiences.

Below is a post written elsewhere on 21 August 2020. I am sharing because life is short, I am odd and weary of feeling burdened by the thought that being odd means that I am non-functional or crazy. Why give a damn? In large part I keep doing what I do because I am physically unsuited to anything else but keeping house and this seems to be a firmly set pathway of life experience for me. I haven’t wasted my life, haven’t failed to make something of myself - what I made is not important to the dominant reality so it is discounted and discredited.