As 2019 closes out, I ruminate on the nature of a sense of security. What is it which is at work when we feel secure?
The antithesis of ‘secure‘ seems to be ‘anxiety‘, one appearing in the absence of the other, but are they cause and effect or sensations flowing from different machinery with similar triggers?
I very easily and persistently sense anxiety. I do not so easily sense security. This indicates a damage which I am digging about to find, like excavating under a house to find leaky pipes.
What causes security feelings to leak away?
What causes them to activate in the body?
What triggers fear of harm and death?
Why is the environment sensed as being predominantly hostile and alien?
What is the nature of confidence?
A hyper-sensitive person receives an over-burdening amount of sense data. Large percentages of the incoming frequencies are strongly 'damaging', that is they create significant disruption to my 'standing wave'.
The predominance of incoming data experience is discordant, seemingly redundant or irrelevant to me. I am considering a policy of non-engagement on the human front for a long while as the number of under-developed field interactions mount.
My family and I have recently navigated a move of household from one Australian state to another. There is a lot still to settle to finish the relocation, all that departmental stuff and roads stuff, and utilities stuff. It was massively labour intensive for me, and I have been working at it for at least 4 months solidly. Now I get to look out a window and wonder what the hell comes next, whilst teaching my Aspergers-esque brain how to drive to the supermarket in heavy city traffic.
There is barely a dust mote left of the previous way of doing life. This new location is a flatbed of sandy soil, not yet showing me what growth it can produce and support. I may just close the blinds and let the world toil madly on without me.
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