In some 30 whatever years of dialoguing, I have expressed a persistent dissatisfaction with the configuration of behaviours and attitudes which is here in this world labelled as Love. This thing which has been presented to me again and again as Love is not anything like the understanding which I have in my innermost knowing place as a beingness of Love.
The dichotomy of description for this word Love has brought me no small amount of pain; through confusion, inappropriate assignment of trust and imbalanced commitments of physical/emotional/mental resource. In the world which I come from, Love is not an emotion, it is not a behaviour, it is not a sensation; although all these things can be shaped by the nature of what Love is.
In the world of my greater comfort, Love is. It is. Love in this 3D world is a corrupted word used to vaguely label that emanation which is in my actuality the forming ray of Everything. Without this emanation there is not able to be anything in a universe. Love is a Strength, it forms Powers, it is the conscious breath on which all fibres of the Tapestry of this reality are forming and being. Love is the emanation of that which creates and nurtures All. It is the Stuff, the foundational form building Everything.
In my world paradigm, it is not gift giving, it is not acts of service, it is not kind words, it is not etiquette, hugs, sex, smiles, saving the world or any other task or act which humans call forms of altruism or caring. Love is not a sense of resonance, not a feeling of safety, not a compass point for good to bad. Love Is. Without it you do not Is; you do not have the opportunity to play, to experiment with emotion, to be wicked, to be kind, to find conscious awareness, to kill, to bring life, to hate, to enjoy - none of it.
Love is. It is understanding. Love understands Everything, because it Is everything. When a point of conscious intelligence comes to know what Love is, it Understands everything around it, and no longer has a Veil to see itself as separate from anything else. This is where I live. I live in this ocean of Everything, being Nothing.
Every day is a repeating process to accept that I am not in my own world. I am not in the place which I built where there is a seat for Understanding at every table, where everything sings a wondrous symphony without thought for the next note, just beautiful streaming patterns, interlacing with astonishing Grace. I am not in the place where individuated consciousness has neither need nor desire to argue points because they are able to Know one another.
For sure, I feel as though I have exhausted present viable options for interaction and wonder what to do with the remainder of my stay here. Enjoyment of projects and activities, enough to warrant engaging in such, requires investment in the outcomes. My sense of investment has waned to almost non-functioning. Each moment brings more points of dissipation for these manufactured human, and humanoid template, streams which I could place under the heading of ambition. Even the desire to live a peace-filled blissed life is an ambition. To strive to be productive is an ambition. To yearn to be well and active is an ambition. To find fulfilment is an ambition.
I am going around in circles here. Time slips like sand on a windy beach. I do the etheric work, watch it merge into the background noise of this world, and wonder what comes of it all.
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