Sound of my own voice

Oftentimes I really dislike the sound of my own voice. It isn't the tone or style my ear is trained to want to hear. I find it so folksy operatic, and not necessarily in a pleasant Kathryn Grayson 1950's kind of way. It feels so damn uncomfortable to sound like this in a pop and rock era.

I went into my closet to record on Dec 14 - yes the eclipse day, I am aware - but have not been able to come near the recording until late today, and now I am stalled in the last third. Because it is so so so Snow White warbly. There are no sweet blue birds here twittering gayly on my finger.

Running Etheric data sure isn't likely to all sound like Maria Carey, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, or Guy Sebastian, but what I would like is to reach a moment of sounding confidently kooky and not reluctantly stretched.

Why could I not come in as an Australian Alanis Morissette? There's a lass with a nice set of pipes.

I am a-feared of the higher registers, have not ever been able to grasp their location on the vocal chords and yet my CI wants to put a heap of data out on that scale. I'm like, bitch please, can we not? Can we mime and just say we did? "Insert data here" and move on?

This is the ego hatin' on its self for whatever childhood or pre-life trauma reason, I get it, I'm not daft to it, but it shits me to tears; like seemingly pointless arguments which end friendships, and reaching the final admission that to alter that abdominal girth - persistent and regular movement is required no matter how much it hurts.

I am crappy at 'human-ing'. There is zero drive to be accomplished at any of the human-ing things, yet the sharp pinch of awkwardness to be seen to be a total goof likes to join me for sound sessions and any other basic life activity. It is not that I do not apply effort. Two years of almost daily exercise and I can now stagger a little faster than before. This is progress and I celebrate it.

I could practice vocal scales and exercises - the Pleiades know I've tried, and the Sirians mourn my lack of application - but guess what? I am afraid of my own volume.

The sound and loudness of my own Colour scares me to muteness. Add to this the very real and quantifiable phenomena of obstructions to etheric structures hampering certain waveforms from expressing along channels which I can access, and I'm just a hot mess of Crayola crayons left on the pavement on an Aussie Boxing Day when it's time to go in for Christmas leftovers lunch.

I am looking to grab the time to find comfort in this life which I am in; the time to shake off the straight-jacket of expectation to be something other than what I may just be - disliking of physical activity, attention deficit, lacking ambition, round and squat like a gnome, hyper-focused on one special interest, preferring of telepathic communication, socially distant, intolerant of fools, unable to listen to psychics for longer than 15secs, and a mad woman who speaks to aliens broadcasting from the outer Rimm of the solar system via Saturnian satellite systems whilst we play out the end stage of a grand time war.

YEAH!!! Let us all kick some more arse in 2021. Auṃ maṇi padme hūṃ