Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. Uuuuaaaagggggghhhhh. The full up inside pushes and hurts. Where to put it? Where to release it? Where to spill it?
I don't have my shit together, never have. I'm just barely hanging on to the side of the slops bucket most days. I do a really good impression of handling life, but really my field of view is so diverse from the mental state required for successful living in human society, that I just go moment to moment on the hope that I don't fuck something up for myself, or bring aggressive calamity my way just by breathing.
I question regularly why power and authority within the human government, from household to global level, is so ineffectual. Why must there be a continued battle between desire for harmony and desire for dominion? When does the battery of the war machine discharge? How many more lifetimes do you think?
I do the work, I labour long on the ethers, I feel the shifts. And the human continues with its madness, its storytelling, its illusions, its combat. Yet even the non-changing-ness of the world around me is likely to be an illusion; a thing kept in place to avoid yet more rolling into chaotic distress for the human mind not aware of what roils around it in the cosmic waters.
Progression does not look like Perfection.
I wonder why I write this, and question where the thoughts come from. I wonder why the content of this whole website is what my life looks like. I am not able to look like anything else. And that is also curious to me.
I am rough, I un-educated myself, removing knowledge and distancing my mind from human information. It seems likely that I will keep talking around and around in circles, walking the same track of pondering conversation until I step onto the next track available to me which I have been avoiding.
That track is the place where I write about being in direct communication with non-Terran intelligence - a subject I just dance around the edge of with quaint speak of spirit and connecting to the larger self. What is that if not Alien to this planet?
So who are they? Who is NI'merrah, who is Miina, who is Yahh? Who is Drahk Fae Nu Meylin, who is Eama ? What are the "I'ma Survivor" points? Who are the Pods? Who is Rhee'anna? What is Alice? What is Richard and so too what is Peter? What is I'ma (I'm a?) Survivor 721 and what is it streaming? Am I going to get any clear answers to such queries or do I just get to keep transposing weirdness for the next 4 decades or so?
Gah.
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