This website is experiencing something of a collapse today. Wix have finally settled data upload limits for media storage and because I can not support a paid plan to maintain a large media storage I am well over extended on the free plan allowance of 500mb. To get a plan to support present storage usage would be $23 AUD per month, which is not going to happen.
The result is that widgets and images are not going to be loading, and I cannot add any more media until I delete to get below 500mb. My current usage is 8.8gb. Do the math lol. It is an act of my bigger self, I reckon, that the website was not pinged for data throttling sooner.
When I began attempts to clear things today it seemed instead to remind the Wix machine that I have so much here, the interface collapsed for me and data dropped off pages. If I don’t hit publish, what is here may remain.
So what to do? I really don’t know today. I do not earn an income. The way I am and the constant ether connections I was built to function don’t include a paying job. I have laboured in the household since 1995 and not been ever able to make the reality rules work for me in terms of turning talent and lifeforce into money. My work does not generate money like some may expect. There have been a couple of past pockets as people have chosen to work with the SFA tools and a short period when I did some personal Eth’A sessions. None of it is sustained nor large.
Perhaps the time is here to put all this work into storage? Is it time to withdraw? If so, I am still available via previously used emails to replace missing files for those who have purchased any SFA works, or who have personal sessions and lost the files (I have all works saved to hard-drives).
I won’t be stopping what I do, navigation and SpheresData continues unabated. Being the successful public outlayer seems constantly out of reach for me though, exhausting, not bearing fruit. Today I am feeling a very human sense of dissatisfaction with the disappointments which come from knowing that my efforts of outlays are not going to do more than drop into small spaces and bring no personal returns. It is not smart ‘humaning’ to keep doing that.
What else is there to say today except a hearty and smile-filled ‘fuk it all’? I have invested more hours of my days to this website and the energy works than I can calculate and so much that there has not been enough hours left in a day to do what does not bring a sense of unfullfillment. Honestly I’ve had a gutfull.
Recently I have been thinking it would be awesome to have a brain and body which could be employed and earn 6-10 thousand in a year just to feel that sensation of personal financial increase. When people work for nothing, activists get all bawdy and cry slavery, yet too many folk expect spiritual/energy workers to labour free of charge and ask no returns. Ridiculous, isn’t it?
Mostly I am salty at my own other realm co-operatives and support who have not planned for me to be achieving of average human things in this life. Humans need to feel paid within their lifetime to not occasionally feel used Unfairly. It’s great that I don’t ‘have to’ be employed to survive, but I can assure you that labouring for others with no physical payment is not the most fulfilling activity on the planet when it is a pattern which has lasted close to 3 decades.
I love what I have created over the years and presented on this website and other platforms, I feel sorry for me that others can’t love it like I do and can’t see it as a commodity for exchange to the degree I feel it deserves. I feel sorry for my work that I can‘t be attractive and that it is not what people want to appreciate by giving coin. I can’t keep standing on a street begging, I’m too worn out for it. I’m not that big a person that things do not piss me off occasionally.
The experts of enlightenment say that reduction of suffering comes through acceptance. What do I need to accept here? That I am not really suited to presenting my work to others? That I don’t want to keep paying to make a space for others to use free of charge? That no-one is asking me to do that and I can stop? That this portion of labour is meeting its end and this is a natural capping off of a spring? Is it just to accept that Wix is not the place to let this stream flow now?
I am 100% certain that I need to shift my thinking, behaviour and expectations of return on what I put into the Collective - again.
Comentários