Processes and Pursuits

44 years, that is the number of Turns I have been pursuing the process of finding the spiritual Otherlands which I know to exist; yet remain on the other side of the wall of physical life holograms.

The pursuit has been unceasing since I was maybe 4 1/2 years old, exhaustive and encapsulated within a roller coaster ride of life survival. I could not say that I have thrived, nor found my niche in this world's life options. I have created a safe space to live in whilst working on the unseen elements of a mysterious reality. And what is that?

Do the things projected towards me, or floating by, from the Others incarnate here match my inner stream of understanding? A few small bell tinkles of familiarity. Yet no clamouring resonant tone in any belief structure; be it called orthodox religion, Buddhism, science, mindfulness, Gnosticism, metaphysics, philosophy, atheism, existentialism, new age ascension dynamics, ET experience, I Ching, animalism, or any other process of belief. Not a damn thing.

I have a stridently individuated point of view and experience. Barely interfacing with human life, avoiding socialization as though it brought a plague. Anticipating something ethereal to manifest like drought chasing rain.

Because what is it, any of that structure, concept, and aim that drives the species into which I was born?

Is anything which we do here any thing beyond the doing of being here?

I surely have little vision of it - that Beyond, and hardly more seeing of the nearby. Words tumble by and wish to play at forming something yet they form only what they are made of - the something of nothing.

There is no difficulty in asking myself the why of what I do, here and on other media platforms. Why publish works so fringe dwelling, even to the most fringe of the new-age community? Science has no place for it, religion makes caricature shapes with it. Though I have sought to find a place to exchange thought form with others on it, there remains a resistant membrane between my mind matrix and others.

What then can I surmise other than that this data is not for exchanging from human mind to human mind, but for informing the base structures of the reality to bring about an effect not yet measured by the 3rd dimensionally anchored intellect.

I have a steady stream of audio and video recordings from 2015 onward. Hours and hours and hours. This week, I question that investment. Environmental feedback taught me that success is measured in growth and return. What growth can I observe, what return can I report? It takes a keen eye to notice the subtle variances over years of activity. Of most success is my pursuit of freedom from etheric imposition. But this freedom appears to be offset by an increasing lack of joint processes with the bulk of available holographic life pathways; and I am led into solitude.

I feel like an animal in a zoo, surrounded by poor crazed creatures who believe their simulated lives to be normal.