I Do Not Believe

I do not believe in this world my human self lives in. That is, I do not support it as a model for ongoing growth and development for individuated spirit essence within little vessels. This model supports cruelty, with ease.

Predators dine upon other pieces of consciousness with mad contentedness, and the prey is bullied into forgiving and forgetting, as this is presented as the 'higher path'. And it is called 'society'.

I am a dissident. I radiate non-conformity like a lamp on the back porch, and the scurrying and flying creatures come to play, staggering drunk on the promise of conflict. If they arrive and find none, they set about making it.

This is 'society'. This is normal. This is accepted. This is a modality of life by which beings live and thrive, fat on someone else's terror or discomfort, or passionate denial of insane arguments.

I take myself off the banqueting table and some etheric presence puts me back on, and sends a marionette my way to stage a play. Eventually it may be that the pile of available scripts will dwindle, the actors will age out of popularity, and I will get to have a month without high agitation or over-the-top emotional roller-coaster scenarios.

In between many hours-long phone calls to deal with the outflow of human society on my life and my family's life over the past number of weeks, I have also been playing with compositions of my past drawings. The results are fantastically stunning and amazing in how the drawings done over years fit together like pieces of an etheric structure - that architecture I keep talking about.

The way in which small details, in images drawn years or months apart, slot together with extreme precision boggles my muggle mind. (I have no plans to share the drawings, people other than me just don't get them and I don't enjoy being pissed by that).

After such long labour of bringing the building materials into this barren landscape, one little piece after another, I now have enough in here to start to construct. I have no clear idea what I am building. When I'm done I'll stand back, and see if I can figure it out.

It does not seem as though I have much purpose for this website. So I sit and gaze at its surface and wonder. When I came here today (now yesterday) to ponder some more I discovered that the entire gallery for the perception pictures page was down. No idea what the go is there. Just that app wouldn't work. So I was shut down even more and I didn’t even try. (It was back today, yes it's taking me days to write a post).

And as I mulled over that, I had a random contact via the contact form which I have set to hidden from menu from someone selling their services for website design. So I closed that down a bit more, but thanks AI bot dude for showing me that open door.

I've changed things again on the website, deleted more. The 'Shared audio of the moment' page still exists, you can log in when you go to the page. I really don't give a rats cylindrical poop if people think I'm odd or erratic with the way I keep changing things. It's my page. I'm so over interactions with people now. Had a very unpleasant interaction this past month, and I'm even more done than I was before. This interaction is the reason I set the blog to members viewing only. I am moving towards removing this website, I won't be renewing the subscriptions on the plan etc. It may remain as a Blog for a while using the free site option.

You know, that last audio I shared, from March 1 2019, it was stunningly beautiful. And it got crickets in the silence and tumbleweeds for a response. So, folks don't need what I have, they've got their own thing going on, well and good, and I'm not going to keep investing the energy and money to put it up. And just for clarity, I don't make the above statement because I want validation. How I feel about it could be likened to a prima ballerina who spent years perfecting her skills, who danced on stage with all her focus and investment of creative force, expressing her heart out, and afterward the audience who came to watch just sat there - not a sound, not a breath, not a tiny little clap even. How very awkward.

- no seriously, a cup of hot chocolate gets more 'ooooo that's lovely'. I got a couple comments after mentioning this oddity on Facebook, still no-one could say - that is beautiful. I was just left puzzled to be honest. This experience clarified my vision like satellite grade concave glass. I have also deleted that Facebook account. I'm pulling up up and away.

Have a swell day all.

NB - have added 'Song of Trees' recorded last Dec 10 2018 to the audio of moment playlist. Just felt to reshare. I'm in a talk of trees frame of mind. The March 16 2017 audio will remain until late March 16 2019.