Dashboard

I am letting go of people collections. Website dashboards lead you to believe that you really should hold on to every contact, every inactive membership, every possible lead toward being seen. It is exhausting.

Speaking truthfully I will say that when I am working hard to hold on to people, I do not feel like the best version of my self. When I am working attentively to be communicable, likeable, affable, approachable, understanding, tolerant, understood; I do not feel like the best version of my self.

What does that even mean? When I get tangled in people collections I feel small, confined, tightly wrapped in interaction protocols, swimming in emotion interplay options, avalanched by expectation.

I am an emanating field, rather than an attracting one. I am a burning star, not a black hole. I am a star nebula, where many new stars are born, all pre-loaded with effervescent potentials for exciting and enlivening tales.

There is nothing as scintillating to me as my home star, and it is a very far distance off through the fields of damaged, interrupted frequencies. Possibly I imagined I could build a bridge back to it with the little pieces of similar emanation in peoples, but this is not becoming a manifested thing. The emanations are too different, and they lead to different stars.

I may have thought I could form a cluster of like stars, but at this plane my Spirit Core emanation is forceful enough to prevent most from being able to establish an orbit. We are more like passing comets, often colliding in sparks and debris.

I have not much of an idea of what I would like to get from the rest of this human life. Perhaps 'getting something' is not the point for me. It is more like 'walk smoothly until the end'.

Of all the interactions I have observed, my strongest takeaway point would be that all peoples most prefer their own story, and enjoy fitting the pieces of other's stories into it, even if the setting requires a hammer.

Letting go of people collections includes letting go of the pieces of their stories which may or may not correlate to mine. Pieces which I am either holding for them so they feel more anchored into a bigger picture, or pieces which I am clutching at to give more sense to my own experience. The result is similar - pinion points holding geometry in incomplete patterns, either looping tracks or sluggish forms with jagged movements.

I could arc back around, dive back into the treasuries of human experience, re-discover the plethora of epiphanies before realised. I could re-learn the talents already gained, re-make the moulds already long broken, tweak the tones of poured bells and announce it a new song.

But I think I will keep walking in the same strange direction, finding awe and thrill in happenings which often I am enjoying alone. I am fully ok with that.

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I am creating a series of works, to assist myself in describing how I view particular responses in my emotion/mind fields. Below is the first 'The Disappointment of Finite Form'. This work has 4 parts. The first is the watercolour, a stand-alone abstract painting. The second is Overlay 1, a dialogue in Etheric Architecture scripts. The third is Overlay 2, another layer of EA. The fourth is all three layers combined. It thrills me to see how layers drawn separately, with no intentional reference to previous EA drawings, no conscious consideration of how the drawing meets with other drawings, perfectly line up - forming an entirely new structure and revealing more of a technology of process I can only imagine.

Images can be viewed via this link.