Been a Year
In a few days time, it will have been a year since that astral conflict blew out comms relays, fire positions, and power lines in the lower to mid layers. A whole year. And it has taken that whole year for me to rebuild what stuff of mine got so broke I could hardly move or think.
I am wondering now what the next few weeks, months, will bring. I continue to work on body fitness. This is a long-seeming road. 8 months with tiny results viewable - but discouragement is not a state of mind I have the luxury to fall into. This body is 47 EArth years, with time accelerating and stored Moments merging like compressed accordions. Rapidly I approach a point of maximum inhalation, after the stillness of which will come the next explosive out breath. I am choosing to surf that wave with a bit more gracefulness than I have previously.
Unable to establish line of sight to that goal by looking in a mirror, I search for changes not reflected in the image. I can now bend down with the knees and propel myself back up again without falling over or needing to lift by the arse. I can bend forward and not be suffocated by my abdomen or bust. Against odds my bust pushes back bravely against gravity and lifts heavenward in a move I find mystifying. I can now do cardio for a time interval some 400% longer than when I started and more than once a day. I can lift bags of groceries in and out of the car boot without numbing pain, I can walk across that pedestrian crossing into the supermarket without the equalisation moments with the disgusting energy of the complex draining all will to move.
My clothes size remains unchanged, and yet each move of a limb does not make me want to drop into the fetal clump and wail like a baby seal. Then every few days I have an 'omg what happened' day and movement is an insurmountable ask. But that day used to be my every day.
I am hoping that some time soon the attacking ugliness of this year will back off; an unpleasantness which has been circling a while. Since earlier this year I have grown to dislike a person with such force I am not too sure what that is going to become, or create. I may be undoing a curse. This person uses the System to be a very disruptive element in the life of my family. This person extrapolates supposed harm to self with dizzying mental gymnastics. I dislike them with a potency something like several nuclear warheads. If they fell into the Void, I would not pull them out, such is my dislike. If the matter of this Universe was to be gathered, sifted and remade into a new beingness, I would elect to leave this person behind in the chaff. They are disliked by me in a way which appears to have exponential and limitless growth. They lack reason, being ruled by fear and a form of self-entitlement I have not met in a human vessel before in this life, and that's really saying something, because I've met some doozies. Isn't it a great thing that I have this eternal blazing ball of hopefulness or belief in something so big I can't imagine it, to keep me amused and resilient?
I swapped out audio today, will likely add a couple more shortly.
May your day not suck and you get a break from the hungry hyenas.
This is not a crochet pattern vid:
Anđelka- yep, got that today. Really need to get the shower recessed cleaned. Oh well, will have to lie down a bit first to regroup 🦄. We are sensitive Unicorns I think, can’t handle impurity. Probably why it is so horrifying for me to clean scum from bathrooms 😱.
every time I see, hear, read something you do, I'm reminded why I love You and every aspect of You. Honesty, brilliance, bravery, true force of Nature, fierce protective and most gentile and soft energy. All this given without waiting for pay back.
yes, we are in repair/regroup/rebuild mode still. Like you, I have to search for evidence of better-ness and nurture them like precious tender plant in the desert:) Today I"M having one of those days when I can hardly move. Like I'm walking through something tick like molasses. I slept for 12 hours straight and still feel tired.
Thought I would check in with the sentiment I was experiencing when I wrote this post, in particular how I feel about a person who I had the great misfortune to encounter this year. Yep, I still dislike them, with a whole roundness of not liking, the sphere of that state being unbroken and missing no part. They are the first time I have met a person willing to so mis-use the legal system of Australia for personal pique. I have met people willing to talk the talk and do the nasty in family court, but this was a first for civil litigation. My contempt for this person's behaviour remains undiminished. Good on ya darl'.
A year, huh? I was wondering what happened a year ago. You've described it well. Everything just stopped working.