Surviving My Paradigm Shift
Updated: Aug 16, 2022
It is probably closer to the truth to say that my paradigm of reality has always been a bit at odds with mainstream, which is likely why doing this life thing has been an uphill haul from the get go. Yet there did come a year when the teetering edge of my reality seesaw plummeted with breath-sucking velocity into a whole new world.
But first, let me back up and expand on my motivation for this post. When my world did detonate, when the fabric of my patchwork quilt of belief systems tore apart and I found myself free-falling into the abyss of the Unknown; I searched high and low for a resonating voice, for explanation, support, expressions of other's experiences to help me to make sense of my own. I did not find much. That's not to say that there isn't a wealth of helpful information currently surfing the waves of the ethernet, but it didn't help me bridge the gap between my fire and condemnation christian background and this new playing field where anything goes. Most of what I found then was so far into the galloping fields of pixie speech I had no vocabulary to understand, and very little described my experience. For instance, people in metaphysical realms where 'light language' is accepted, tend to speak like this: And now as you my loves ascend into the rainbow gateway of 4th D Accentuation, the Actualization of your 5D Crystalline heart form will embrace beyond the columns of 7D Transcendent rainbow portal gateways.... WTF said I! You get the picture. So I was thinking to myself this morning, what could I write about - and realizing that truly what I am doing here is talking to myself - I asked myself what I would have liked to have been able to find and read when I was in utter turmoil. A practical guide to surviving my paradigm shift would have been brilliant. Something written in common English, with terms I could mostly understand, not afraid to talk about the ugly snot-filled process of shifting from one reality to another.
Yes, that is a fairly accurate depiction of how I felt - only with more visible snot perhaps.
2007 was the year my inner knowing, or lets just say my gut, started to rebel with terminal velocity against the structures of the christian belief system. It's tight forms of right/wrong, condemnation, controlling hierarchy, instructions of who could and could not speak in an assembly and when, what could and could not be listened to, or read without fear of falling prey to a deceiving spirit - it all began to chaff on my core so bad that there was no way forward for me but to rebel with increasing strength. My days of being a devote christian within the religion that has sprung up from the roman catholic church, were finitely numbered - I just hadn't figured that out yet.
2008 was the year I continued on, thinking I could make this work. Surely there was a place within the charismatic church for a spirit-filled visionary who loved to 'speak in tongues'. Actually I would have been happy if the entire Sunday service was just free expression of singing in unknown languages, as it seemed we would get more out of that than listening to more expounding on the lessons of Peter 1. That should have been my klaxon blare of warning that my old paradigm was about to jettison me out like squid ink.
2009 was the year I fully embraced the 'fringe' of christian society - I was after the supernatural experience. If there be angels and a powerful one Almighty God, then show yourself before me godammit, because I'm not committing to anything less than life-altering real. If Jesus walked on water and through walls and healed with a touch, if there were christians out there having angels appear before them and give them gold leaves to eat that kept them energized for days, if miraculous mending of rotten teeth was happening and money was appearing in people's wallets so they could pay mortgages, then sign me up for that or piss off. Then it got weird. Sleep paralysis started, that's scary shit - when you are awake but your body isn't, you can hardly breath, and there is intense terror, and sometimes you can feel hands around your wrists seemingly holding you down. Glad that only lasted about a year and a half. It is supposedly what occurs when you make an incomplete exit/re-entry in 'out of body' journeying. When you're coming out of christianity though it isn't much of a leap to think that the demons have come for you like your pastor said they would.
2009 was also the year that my church rejected me, or I rejected my church, or we just reached a point at which we resonated at frequencies so divergent that we repelled one another. Whatever the case, it felt brutal. I was accused of many things such as being demonised, disobedient to god blah blah blah. It was ludicrous. In this year, and the one after, the fabric of all my relationships was stretched to the state where some just snapped and the relationships ended. Those that survived the rending of space/time that swirled around my toroidal field of reality, morphed to match the new paradigm. If you enter into that centrifugal vortex of change and manage to make the trip with a couple of other souls still with you - then you planned your journey really really well ahead of time - most likely you all agreed before you were born that you were going to make the reality leap together. Dust yourself off, hug one another and congratulate each other on having made it and not missing the cues. There is so much that happened in this time that it just would not be practical to write about it, and I really just do not want to - it's done, I've learned, moving forward. I have also learned that the process of being able to rip free of an old paradigm and begin to navigate a new one, is one which is better taught or passed on via vibration resonance. That is what I do with the Light Language and the Glyph codes. When you are shifting, you can do it so much easier if someone else has figured it out and can just give you the programs to run that will enable you to upshift vibrational understanding while bypassing the sluggish reasoning of the human mind - entrapped as it is in layer upon layer of illusionary programming. To give a visual - when a room is filled with clocks all set to different times with their pendulums swaying at different speeds, over time all the clocks will begin to synchronize - following the pattern of the loudest, strongest vibrating clock in the room.
2010-2016 are the years where I have been, and continue to be, navigating the Farout of what is now my life experience. I have been looking for a place to settle, a niche where I can be functional and even useful. During these years my occasional speaking in tongues became a torrent of constant language. Now I can call it other names, like light language, soul language, frequency language. In the middle of 2015 I had this thought of trying to write it. So then a whole other facet opened up. My sensitivity to energy fields has grown to proportions which in these years has largely made me non-functional in society. It is automatic for me - the language is just there kapow and I am dealing with some thought form or entity in a region - speaking as a voice for other portions of my Self which I largely do not see or feel or really understand - because that is the way I set it up. For some stupid arse reason I engaged a level of amnesia (that forgetting we experience when we enter into this 3D human realm as infants) that is so far stubbornly impenetrable. Obviously I have a good 'support team', those unseen helpers who lay out bread crumbs in pre-arranged locations and assure me that I am not crazy or pointless when all my weary logic centres toss hands in the air and my body wants to curl into a ball under the doona and just not do ... anything at all. And it has been arranged that I have a family group which supports (after that morphing hell) my new expression of self which is often physically incapable of simple tasks. We have lots of laughs and that's good medicine.
The more I write here, the more I realize that there just are not enough words to express the totality of my experience in the past 8 years. How do I pass on my understandings, my thoughts, my perceptions? What do I write to help the me of 8 years ago? What do I express to assist that me in navigating the constantly changing landscape of this new reality? I have learned so much and yet know so little, even whilst understanding that I Know Everything. In all of this experience and change, I distill my thoughts down to realizing that I am waiting - waiting to have a conversation.
I do not fit into any of the boxes I have been able to find. I do not do Reiki, I did buy a book on it a year or so ago (and almost read it). I am not a professed healer of any modality, I have not written a self-help book, I do not have a paid job in anything (although constantly work to assist others). I do not do workshops or hold meditations, I do not do angel readings, and do not have the urge to hook up with a skype online group - yet. Mostly I feel like a lurker, I lurk around the fringe of society and I seem to lurk even in my own life - just seemingly waiting to have a conversation - about something. I don't meditate regularly, I don't do ti chi or yoga and I am not vegan (although I did just make a lunch smoothie of fruits, carrot, spinach, green banana resistant starch, super greens and cacao and maca). I am not an Experiencer (no little men or big men, green, grey or any other colour come visit me). I did have a lucid out of body type experience maybe twice - a while ago. Oh and there was that lucid lucid dream involving those 2 short large-headed greyish folks with long extremely strong four-fingered hands, that passed energy as super-charged heat into my spine - that was actually quite nice. Mostly though, I spend my days passaging energy through my body, yet never seem to be able to hold a charge to drive my own life outside the small sphere of my home, this space where I am creating a whole new paradigm.
It seems reasonable to think that I am expelling all these words, conversing with myself, to clarify what it is that I DO want to have in that conversation when the people I am to have it with arrive on my ledge of the ascension mountain.
Added note 04/08/2016 - After some thought I have revised my self descriptive of not being an 'Experiencer'. I am, we all are, we just aren't too aware of it. I still don't encounter peoples from other planets or knowingly go onto craft, don't really want or need to. I have enough going on without the jetlag of craft travel.